Anonymous said: what turns you on 😉
John Mulaney | The Salt & Pepper Diner
THE BEST JOKE IN EXISTENCE
GOD I JUST TOLD SOMEONE ABOUT THIS STORY
This is one of the best pieces of comedy that I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing. I love this. I have been looking for this online for awhile.
This is my favorite story ever and I will reblog it every time I see it.
that’s what makes it an army. not a bunch of guys running around and shooting guns.
If the Winter Soldier was responsible for the Kennedy assassination and Magneto tried to STOP the Kennedy assassination then that must mean somehow Magneto lost a fight to a guy wITH AN ENTirE ARm MADE OF METAL
A human getting pissed at their vampire boyfriend so they put in a silver sterling tongue stud and bracelets and earrings and their vampire boyfriend is just standing five feet away like “babe. c’mon.”
Vampire: “The fair is in town, maybe a date will help…”
human spends the whole time in the hall of mirrors
WE HAVE A NEW WINNER.
What if right before Bucky walked away in this part of The Winter Soldier
he whispered to Steve
what if you just shut the fuck up
#Month4 Making progress
- DP: If you're commissioner for a day, what are you doing?
- PK: I'm putting the goal line back to where it was, and I'm increasing the space in the neutral zone.
- DP: And how will that affect the game?
- PK: That would open up the game tremendously. More end-to-end scoring.
- DP: But why wouldn't Bettman listen to something like that? What would be the negative of that?
- PK: There is no negative. I don't think they even know why the rule was changed in the first place. Wayne Gretzky, the greatest behind-the-net player of all time, was baffled when they put more room behind the net. Why would you put more room in an area you can't score from? It just doesn't make sense.
- DP: They were worried about traffic flow, I think.
- PK: Mario Lemieux scores, like, twice a year from behind the net on a bank, but I don't know anyone else who scores goals from behind the goal line. If you're trying to increase scoring, why would you not want as much space as possible in front of the net?
- DP: I agree. I have a problem in that I don't know who's great anymore because I don't think the game allows greatness to shine through.
- PK: Exactly.
- DP: And defensemen and goalies seem to be the best players in the game.
- PK: Right.
- DP: That hurts the game. I don't want to see inflated scoring, but I do want to see the ability to have free skating. If you get popped, you get popped, but I like an end-to-end rush, I'd like a little bit more freedom there. I went to see Dallas play Columbus, and it was just so cluttered.
- PK: That's because there's no room in the neutral zone. Cycling the puck in the corner is the only way we create offense now. You dump the puck in and you try to beat the defense to the net to score. You never see any three-on-two goals or two-on-ones. That makes the defensemen that much better because they can stand up and play more aggressively since they know the only space is behind them. And the talent level in the league right now is higher than it's ever been.
- DP: It definitely is.
- PK: There are so many great players and the talent from top to bottom is good. There are no guys anymore who can't skate. When I first came into a league I looked at a team's defensemen and checked off this guy, this guy and this guy, saying, "He can't turn." In a one-on-one with him, I'm going to blow by him. But you can't do that anymore. The bottom-tier guys are so much better.
- DP: But you'd never know it.
- PK: The person who's watching hockey on TV for the first time is definitely not going to know that.